Who Am I?
Who Am I?
Who am I?
I sometimes ask myself this question. Or, to be more specific, what is the key point that distinguishes me from others, and what is the key point that distinguishes me from my past self? I know that, from a microscopic perspective, everyone is unique. There are many subtle differences between people, and these differences form distinct, three-dimensional individuals. But upon reflection, I don’t have any standout talents, no exceptional gifts (even clumsiness), nor a strong will. When the granularity of distinguishing people is slightly larger, in the vast sea of humanity, there are countless versions of an ordinary me. I am no different from others. Moreover, in today’s society, most interactions between people are superficial, so the granularity of distinguishing individuals is naturally not small. It is not necessary to stand out from others, but the education I have received from childhood to adulthood has generally made me an “ambitious” person, and self-esteem and other reasons also make me want to at least “distinguish myself” in some aspects, of course, in a positive way.
Change
This is actually not a big deal, and I don’t really care about it from the bottom of my heart. Most of the time, I am alone with myself and rarely compare myself with others. Comparing myself with my past self is a common occurrence. What I care about more is whether I have made progress compared to my past self. Not making progress is already very uncomfortable, let alone regressing. The fact that I can no longer do things I used to be able to do as I grow more mature physically and mentally is something that can cause great pain. Am I the same person as my past self? I only recently learned that this question is called the Ship of Theseus paradox: If the wood on Theseus’ ship is gradually replaced until none of the wood is the original wood, is the ship still the same ship? The same applies to people, because human body cells are renewed approximately every 7 years, and 7 years can also bring many changes in spirit. This seems to imply that people are prone to change, but most people’s habits are deeply rooted. It seems like a change has occurred, but it hasn’t really changed. It appears that many real-world things are like this—opposite yet unified, with no satisfactory answer.
This also raises another question: Is change gradual or immediate? For example, if you want to get rid of the habit of staying up late, “gradually reducing the frequency of staying up late until you no longer stay up late” sounds more logical. However, it is not easy to implement in practice. If you don’t control the degree well, it is easy to “righteously” relapse. It makes sense to nip things in the bud, but immediate change is also a difficult task. “Start changing from a certain moment” sounds very ideal. People cannot always stay highly alert. Over time, at some inopportune moments, a huge inertia will make you “unconsciously” relapse. Change itself is a difficult thing, no matter what form it takes. The key to wanting to change is to stay awake, knowing what you want, knowing what you are fighting against, and knowing whether the thing you are fighting against has appeared.
Composure
People are not necessarily clear in personality at the same moment. People get entangled, at least I do. When entangled, I become like “Schrodinger’s cat,” in a state of “both and.” I don’t like this state, so when I am entangled, I sometimes deliberately make a choice immediately, perhaps through randomness, perhaps through intuition. People need the ability to make decisions immediately. Being decisive is a good quality of many famous people. I hope this can make me stable and orderly, and resist the natural tendency of entropy increase.
“Exhaust all human efforts and leave the rest to fate” is a phrase I quite like. It teaches me to do my best before the event and be prepared for the worst after the event. There is no doubt about doing my best before the event, but avoiding disappointment by lowering expectations after the event has had some negative effects on me. When disappointment is inevitable, I cannot handle this emotion well, which mainly happens in interactions with others. It is much easier to be alone with myself. If I have done my best before the event, there is nothing more to improve, and the result would be the same if I did it again, so there is nothing to worry about. Do not waste emotions on things you cannot change, this is a useful piece of advice. For example, if you are about to experience pain, and no matter what you do beforehand, you cannot avoid it, then just let it come and accept whatever the result is. If it really feels bad, then think carefully about what led to the current result and correct the behavior. If you did not do your best, then summarize well to avoid repeating the mistake. Correct if there is a mistake, and be more vigilant if there is none; the great way is simple. Interactions with others are much more complicated. It is hard to say whether the expectations are too high or the reality is too poor. In this regard, being composed in expectations and being composed in disappointment may be a better choice.
Set a Goal
Change always needs to continue. I think simplifying things might make it easier. For example, spend a month developing a good habit and refuse to relapse. Let’s start with going to bed early and getting up early, taking time away from useless information and trivial matters and giving it back to sleep. This will be a good beginning.
(The recent photos are still in the camera and haven’t been transferred out yet. I’ll attach the culprit as an illustration. Considering the poster looks quite nice, it can serve as a fitting accompaniment.)
